Sly i’ll pheeze you, in faith




НазваниеSly i’ll pheeze you, in faith
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I guarantee you, Petruchio’s going to suffer from his Kate.

BAPTISTA

220 Neighbors and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants

For to supply the places at the table,

You know there wants no junkets at the feast.

BAPTISTA

Neighbors and friends, though we don’t have anyone for the bride and bridegroom’s places at the table, you know there’s nothing missing in the feast itself.

(to TRANIO)

Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place,

And let Bianca take her sister’s room.

(to TRANIO) Lucentio, you shall assume the bridegroom’s place and let Bianca take her sister’s seat.

TRANIO

225 (as LUCENTIO) Shall sweet Bianca practice how to bride it?

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) Shall sweet Bianca practice how to be a bride?

BAPTISTA

She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.

BAPTISTA

She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go in.

Exeunt

They all exit.


Act IV, Scene 1


Enter GRUMIO

GRUMIO enters.

GRUMIO

Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways!

Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so 'rayed? Was ever man

so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming

after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot,

my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of

my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to

thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself. For,

considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold.

Holla, ho! Curtis!

GRUMIO

To hell with all worn-out horses, all crazy masters, and all bad roads. Was a man ever beaten as much as me? Was a man ever as dirty as me? Was a man ever so tired? I have been sent on ahead to light a fire, and they are coming after to warm themselves. It’s a good thing I’m like a little pot and warm up quickly, or else my lips themselves would freeze and stick to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and my heart would freeze in my belly, before I managed to get thawed out. I’ll warm myself by blowing on the fire. A taller man than I would catch cold in weather like this. Hey! Curtis! Hello!

Enter CURTIS

CURTIS enters.

CURTIS

Who is that calls so coldly?

CURTIS

Who calls so coldly?

GRUMIO

A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulde

r to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck.

A fire, good Curtis.

GRUMIO

A piece of ice. Trust me, you could slide all the way from my shoulder to my heel taking no more of a running start than the distance between my head and my neck. Start the fire, good Curtis.

CURTIS

Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

CURTIS

Are my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMIO

5 Oh, ay, Curtis, ay, and therefore fire, fire. Cast on no water.

GRUMIO

Yes, yes, Curtis, so hurry up and start the fire. Leave out the water.

CURTIS

Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?

CURTIS

Is she as fiery a shrew as they say?

GRUMIO

She was, good Curtis, before this frost. But thou knowest winter

tames man, woman and beast, for it hath tamed my old master and

my new mistress and myself, fellow Curtis.

GRUMIO

Well she was, good Curtis, before this frost. But you know how winter tames man, woman, and beast. And it’s tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, my good colleague.

CURTIS

Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.

CURTIS

Who are you calling “beast,” midget. You’re no bigger than three inches!

GRUMIO

Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot, and so long am I,

at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to

our mistress, whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt

soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?

GRUMIO

Three inches? Really? Your horn is a foot long, and I’m at least that size. Now are you going to make a fire, or am I going to have to report you to our mistress, whose hand, now that she is herself at hand, you’ll be feeling soon. You’ll find it cold comfort, but that’s what you get for being slow with your warming duties.

CURTIS

10 I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?

CURTIS

So tell me, Grumio, how goes the world?

GRUMIO

A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine, and therefore fire!

Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and mistress are

almost frozen to death.

GRUMIO

Cold, Curtis. It’s a cold world, except for people who have to start fires. Therefore, do your duty and take your reward, because my master and mistress are nearly frozen to death.

CURTIS

There’s fire ready. And therefore, good Grumio, the news.

CURTIS

The fire is ready. So go on, tell me the news.

GRUMIO

Why, “Jack, boy! Ho, boy!” and as much news as wilt thou.

GRUMIO

“Why, Jack boy, ho boy!” and all the news you want.

CURTIS

Come, you are so full of cony-catching!

CURTIS

Oh, you’re just so funny.

GRUMIO

15 Why, therefore fire, for I have caught extreme cold. Where’s the cook?

Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs

swept, the servingmen in their new fustian, their white stockings,

and every officer his wedding garment on? Be the Jacks fair within,

the Jills fair without, the carpets laid, and everything in order?

GRUMIO

Well, make a fire, then. I think I’m getting delirious. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready? Is the house fixed up, the floor covered, the cobwebs swept out of the corners, the servingmen in their new work clothes and the household servants each in his wedding suit? Are all the cups and glasses in their places, the tablecloths laid out— everything in order?

CURTIS

All ready. And therefore, I pray thee, news.

CURTIS

Everything’s ready. So tell me what’s been going on.

GRUMIO

First, know my horse is tired, my master and mistress fallen out.

GRUMIO

Well, first of all, my horse is tired and my master and mistress have had a falling out.

CURTIS

How?

CURTIS

How?

GRUMIO

Out of their saddles into the dirt, and thereby hangs a tale.

GRUMIO

From their saddles into the dirt—but that’s another story.

CURTIS

20 Let’s ha' ’t, good Grumio.

CURTIS

Well, let’s have it, Grumio.

GRUMIO

Lend thine ear.

GRUMIO

Lean forward.

CURTIS

Here.

CURTIS

Here.

GRUMIO

There!

GRUMIO

There!

Strikes him

GRUMIO strikes CURTIS.

CURTIS

This ’tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

CURTIS

This is to feel the news, not hear it.

GRUMIO

25 And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale. And this cuff was but to

knock at your ear and beseech list'ning. Now I begin: Imprimis,

we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress—

GRUMIO

That’s what makes it “sensitive” news. I was just knocking to see if anyone was home. Now, I’ll begin: first, we came down a steep hill, my master riding behind my mistress—

CURTIS

Both of one horse?

CURTIS

Both on one horse?

GRUMIO

What’s that to thee?

GRUMIO

What’s the difference?

CURTIS

Why, a horse.

CURTIS

Well, the difference of a horse!

GRUMIO

Tell thou the tale! But hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have

heard how her horse fell, and she under her horse. Thou shouldst

have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he

left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her

horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off

me, how he swore, how she prayed that never prayed before,

how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst,

how I lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory which

now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.

GRUMIO

Oh, tell it yourself if you’re so smart. It’s too bad. If you hadn’t made me angry, you would have heard all about how her horse fell with her under it, how swampy the place was, too, and how she was covered in mud, and how he left her like that, with the horse on top of her, and how he beat me because her horse stumbled, and how she waded through the dirt to pull him off me, and how he swore, how she prayed—this woman who never prayed before—and how I yelled, and how the horses ran away, and how her bridle broke, and how I lost my riding crop, and many other things worth telling, which now will all be lost to memory, and you’ll go to your grave ignorant.

CURTIS

30 By this reck'ning he is more shrew than she.

CURTIS

By the sound of it, he’s a bigger shrew than she is.

GRUMIO

Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he

comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph,

Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Let their heads be

slickly combed, their blue coats brushed, and their garters of an

indifferent knit. Let them curtsy with their left legs, and not

presume to touch a hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss

their hands. Are they all ready?

GRUMIO

Yes—as you and the rest will find out as soon as he’s home. But why am I telling you this? Get them in here—Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Tell them to slick down their hair, brush their blue coats, and make sure their socks match. Have them click their heels together and don’t dare touch a hair of the master’s horse’s tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?

CURTIS

They are.

CURTIS

They are.

GRUMIO

Call them forth.

GRUMIO

Get them in here.

CURTIS

(calling offstage) Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to

countenance my mistress.

CURTIS

(calling offstage) Hey! Does anyone hear me? Hey! You have to come and greet the master and face the new mistress.

GRUMIO

35 Why, she hath a face of her own.

GRUMIO

She already has a face.

CURTIS

Who knows not that?

CURTIS

Yeah, so?

GRUMIO

Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.

GRUMIO

You just said they had to face her.

CURTIS

I call them forth to credit her.

CURTIS

I meant they had to give her credit.

GRUMIO

Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.

GRUMIO

She’s not going to borrow money from them.

Enter four or five Servingmen

Four or five servants enter.

NATHANIEL

40 Welcome home, Grumio.

NATHANIEL

Welcome home, Grumio.

PHILIP

How now, Grumio?

PHILIP

What’s up, Grumio?

JOSEPH

What, Grumio!

JOSEPH

Hey, Grumio!

NICHOLAS

Fellow Grumio!

NICHOLAS

My man Grumio!

NATHANIEL

How now, old lad?

NATHANIEL

So what’s the story, old boy?

GRUMIO

45 Welcome, you!—How now, you?—What, you!—Fellow, you!—And thus

much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all

things neat?

GRUMIO

Welcome yourself!—What’s up with you?—Hey to you!—So much for greetings. Now, my well-dressed friends, is everything ready and in order?

NATHANIEL

All things is ready. How near is our master?

NATHANIEL

Everything’s ready. How soon will the master be here?

GRUMIO

E'en at hand, alighted by this. And therefore be not—

Cock’s passion, silence! I hear my master.

GRUMIO

Any minute. Probably here already. So be careful, and don’t—God! Quiet, I hear him coming.

Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHERINE

PETRUCHIO and KATHERINE enter.

PETRUCHIO

Where be these knaves? What, no man at door

50 To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!

Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?

PETRUCHIO

Where are those bastards? Where is the boy who’s supposed to help me get off my horse and take him to the stable? Where is Nathaniel? Where’s Gregory? Where’s Philip?

ALL SERVINGMEN

Here, here, sir! Here, sir!

ALL SERVANTS
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